Stephen Colbert has a super PAC and he knows exactly what he wants to buy: the naming rights to his home state of South Carolina’s Republican primary and a ballot referendum question asking voters if they believe “corporations are people” or “only people are people.”
In an op-ed yesterday in South Carolina’s The State, Colbert explains that while his super PAC has encountered some snags in getting what it wants, he’s still willing to pay for the primary:
Colbert Super PAC will cover the counties’ $500,000 shortfall. In return, I ask for only two things: that you support the Democrats’ petition to get my referendum back on the ballot, and that you grant me the pre-negotiated naming rights, which, I think we can all agree, you now own. To paraphrase Ronald Reagan, “You paid for that microphone!”
The counties need the money, and Colbert Super PAC wants to give it to you; call it a Christmas Miracle. I’ve already filled out the check, and to prove it’s no joke, I’ve written “No Joke” in the memo line.